The white-tailed doe has been on the my “to draw list” for some time now. I began writing about the story of the encounters in September 2023 but it took me a long while to begin this drawing. After doing a bit of searching I found a beautiful reference photo by Thomas Park on Unsplash that is included below. The initial drawing began with a gestural sketch to lay out the whole figure and was completed over many drawing sessions.

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I have passed the still lifeless form of a deer on the side of the highway too many times while driving back and forth between my mother’s home, the hospital where she is recovering after a fall and the assisted-living facility I am in the process of moving her into.  It’s always disturbing to me to see the bodies of animals strewn about or worse on the roadside. It seems so unfair that we’ve taken over so much of the land with roads that interfere so significantly with the movement of other species. The deer’s body was a difficult reminder of the tragedy of these consequences and triggered the grief I’ve been holding as I manage the obligation of caring for my mother since she was diagnosed with dementia in late 2019. For the last several days I’ve been going through my mother’s belongings deciding how to furnish her room. Yesterday as I was loading another car full of her furniture to continue setting up the space that will be her new home, a fawn jumped the neighboring fence and ran through the land immediately surrounding the house. I didn’t see, couldn’t locate the mother if she was there. Later, as I was driving the car loaded, I noticed a pair of female deer that were trying to cross a very busy stretch of a two lane road from a narrow wooded corridor . I stopped for them, but they turned and ran back into the trees.  Looking into the rearview mirror, I saw them attempting to cross again, hesitate and return to the woods. I had to pull over and turn around. I felt I had to help them if I could. As I was headed back towards them they made another attempt. I slowed and stopped, halting traffic behind me, waving my left arm out of the window and flashing my headlights to try and get the oncoming traffic to stop as well, hoping to create an opportunity for the two to cross safely. The oncoming traffic did not slow enough and they turned away again. I slowly started moving forward again and pulled over just beyond the wooded area to wait. I needed to see them cross. I sat watching for a few minutes until the traffic paused and one of the deer came out to test the crossing. She cautiously pawed at the road, bent down her head, seeming to smell its surface, raised her head again and turned to glance back at her counterpart. They moved together to wearily cross the pavement and made it safely across, disappearing into the opposite tree line.  The two of them were for me a representation of the two of us, my mother and I. I am the doe guiding the way, testing the road as I try to lead her to safety. 

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This small experience of feeling compelled to do something, then stopping and at least trying to do something is a microcosm of the persistent need I feel to witness and understand the vulnerable beings around us.  My work revolves around this need and I am trying to learn how best to attend to my intuitions and take action.